向下閱讀中文 我用意志力逼自己放鬆
I Was Using My Willpower to Relax

Do You Know How to Swim?

This summer in Anacapri, the water was so beautiful I couldn't stop looking at it.

Blue in a way that doesn't feel real. The kind of blue that makes you want to be inside it.

The problem was, I don't know how to tread water well. And the ocean felt like something I wasn't quite ready for.

So when I got home, I asked a friend to teach me. He trains lifeguards, so I thought… good hands.

I went expecting to learn how to tread water.

What actually happened was something else entirely.

Relax. But How?

We spent almost an hour just learning how to be comfortable in the water.

And apparently, that requires one of my weakest skills.

Relax.

"When you can relax," he said, "your body knows how to float."

He explained that when we tense up from fear of sinking, everything becomes harder. The body fights the water. But when we can soften, breathe fully, trust. The body already knows far more about floating than we give it credit for.

So that became the practice.

Head into the water. Let the body soften. Lift up. Take a full breath. Go back down.

There were moments when I had to actually say it to myself:

Relax. Relax. Relax.

My friend started laughing. "You're trying to hypnotize yourself."

And he was right.

There I was. Using my willpower to relax.

So me.

The Moment Everything Let Go

But slowly, something began to change.

And then there was one moment.

Head back into the water. Body finally let go.

Not trying to stay afloat. Not fighting the water.

Just… there.

And the water was holding me.

Something in my chest opened.

I almost cried.

Not from sadness. From something that felt like relief so deep it had no name.

I can stop fighting.

And I am still held.

How Many Times Do I Do This in Life?

How many times do I move through life as if I have to keep myself from sinking?

When something feels uncertain, the instinct is to do more. Figure it out. Take care of it. Make sure everything is okay.

Even relaxation becomes another thing to accomplish.

Relax, Caroline. Relax!

But there in the water, something almost opposite was true.

The harder the trying, the harder everything became.

When the body softened, it could float.

And something else:

The farther the swimming went when the trying stopped.

When the body stopped fighting the water, it stopped wasting energy. It could move with the water instead. And strangely, floating was when the most movement happened.

What the Water Was Really Teaching

There are so many things in life we cannot control.

Plans change. Bodies change. People we love need us in ways we didn't expect. Something arrives and suddenly the day, or the whole direction of a life, looks completely different.

Softening doesn't mean nothing difficult will happen.

There was still breathing to do. Still moving. Still learning to work with the water.

But not fighting it.

All those years of practice, all those moments of coming back to the breath, softening the body, returning to the present. That day, the body understood something again.

Not as a thought.

As a feeling.

I can relax and still be supported.

Even writing that now, something in my chest moves.

Maybe that was why the tears almost came.

All those small moments of practice finally meeting in a single bodily experience of trust.

Not the trust that says everything will go the way I want.

But the willingness to soften enough to discover what is already holding me.

What Support Actually Feels Like

When tightening happens around a problem now, I want to remember what the water taught.

Can I breathe here?

Can I soften a little?

What if some of the energy being spent right now is just the effort of trying not to sink?

There is support that can't be felt from inside the fighting.

The breath. The body. People who love us. Years of practice. Our own inner wisdom. Life itself.

Being supported doesn't always mean someone comes to rescue us.

Sometimes it means discovering we don't have to hold ourselves quite so tightly.

Even in the background.

Even when we didn't know we were doing it.

A Gentle Curiosity

Is there something in your life right now that you are holding very tightly?

Notice what happens in your body when you think about it.

What if you don't have to solve it right now?

Take one full breath.

Let the body soften a little.

Not to make the difficulty disappear.

Just long enough to notice:

What is holding me right now?

And if you'd like to practice together, you're warmly invited to join our weekly classes. 🌿

👉 zitamae.com/offerings

May we learn to relax into the waters of life.

Not because we know everything will go the way we want, but because even when we don't know what comes next, we don't have to hold ourselves up with so much effort.

Sometimes, when we soften just a little, we begin to notice what has been holding us all along.

With warmth and always love,

Caroline 🌿

我用意志力逼自己放鬆

你會游泳嗎？

今年夏天在阿納卡普里，我幾乎無法把眼睛從海上移開。

那種藍，不像這個世界應該有的顏色。讓你想走進去，讓它把你整個人包住，什麼都不用說，什麼都不用做。

但我不太會踩水。那片海美得讓我想靠近，卻讓我知道自己還沒準備好。

回家之後，我請一位朋友教我。他是教救生員的。我想，這總是好的開始。

我去的時候，以為要學的是踩水。

沒想到那天真正學到的，是另一件事。

放鬆。但怎麼放？

我們花了將近一個小時，什麼技術都沒學，只是在水裡練習感到自在。

而這，需要我最不擅長的那件事。

放鬆。

他說：「當你能放鬆，身體自然知道怎麼浮。」

當我們因為害怕沉下去而全身收緊，一切都會變得更難，身體開始跟水對抗。但當我們能夠軟化，好好呼吸，把自己交出去，身體對浮水的理解，其實遠比我們以為的深。

練習是這樣的：頭放進水裡，讓身體軟下來，抬起頭，深吸一口氣，再放進去。

有幾次，我發現自己必須在心裡喊：放鬆，放鬆，放鬆。

朋友笑了：「你在催眠自己。」

他說得對。

我在用意志力，逼自己放鬆。

太像我了。

那個一切都鬆開的時刻

慢慢地，感覺有些什麼開始不一樣了。

然後有一刻，當我把頭再次放進水裡，身體突然就放開了。不再想著要浮起來，不再想著要對抗什麼，只是在那裡。

而水，就這樣托著我。

胸口突然有什麼東西打開了。

眼淚差點掉下來。不是悲傷，而是一種深到說不出名字的、很久沒有體驗過的放下。

原來我可以停止對抗，而我還是被接住了。

這樣，就夠了。

我在生命裡，也是這樣嗎？

有多少次，日子是這樣過的，好像如果我停止用力，就會沉下去？

當有什麼事情感覺不確定，第一個反應就是做更多，把它搞清楚，處理掉，確保一切還在掌控裡。就連放鬆，都可以變成另一個要完成的任務。

放鬆，Caroline，放鬆！

但水告訴我，越用力，越難。當身體軟下來，它就能自然的浮起來。

更讓我驚訝的是，當我停止用力，反而游得更遠。身體不再對抗，就不再消耗力氣在抵抗，可以順著水了。漂浮的時候，才是移動最多的時候。

我不知道這生命道理我懂了多少年，但那天，我的身體第一次真的明白了。

水真正想教我的

生命裡有太多事是我們控制不了的。計劃變了，身體變了，愛我們的人用我們沒有預想到的方式需要我們，有什麼事情突然來了，整個生命的方向，就這樣變了樣子。

放軟，不代表困難的事情不會發生。還是要呼吸，還是要繼續活，只是不再對抗了。

那麼多年的練習，那麼多次回到呼吸，讓身體落地，把自己帶回來。那一天，這一切在身體裡匯成了一種感覺，不是念頭，不是道理，是一種從很深的地方升起來的信任。

原來我可以放鬆，而我還是會被生命支撐著。

就算現在寫下這句話，胸口還是有情緒湧動。也許那就是為什麼眼淚差點奪眶而出。不是突然悟到了什麼，而是那麼多個小小的時刻，在那一瞬間全部安靜下來，變成了一種完整的、身體層面的信任。

不是那種「一切都會如我所願」的信任。

而是，即使不知道接下來會發生什麼，我也願意鬆開，去感受什麼一直在那裡托著我。

被接住，是什麼感覺？

現在當我發現自己在某個問題上緊起來，我想記得那天水給我的感覺。

可以在這裡呼吸嗎？可以軟化一點嗎？如果我現在用掉的一些力氣，其實只是在努力讓自己不要沉呢？

有一種支持，是在對抗的狀態裡感覺不到的。呼吸，身體，愛我們的人，多年的練習，我們自己內心的智慧，還有生命本身。

被接住，不總是意味著有人來救我們。有時候，是發現我們不需要把自己抓得那麼緊，就算是那種在背景裡，自己都沒意識到的緊抓。

一個溫柔的好奇

你現在生命裡，有沒有什麼東西，你抓得很緊？

注意一下，當你想到它的時候，身體裡發生了什麼。如果你現在不需要解決它，會怎樣？

深吸一口氣，讓身體軟化一點，不是為了讓困難消失，只是夠久，去問自己：

此刻，我的靠山是什麼？

如果你想一起練習，我在這裡等你。🌿

👉 zitamae.com/offerings

願我們在生命的水中，慢慢學會放鬆。

不是因為我們知道一切都會如願，而是即使不知道接下來會發生什麼，我們也不需要一直用力撐住自己。

有時候，當我們願意鬆開一點點，才會發現，原來一直都有一些力量在承接著我們。

滿懷祝福與溫暖，

Caroline

Peace and always love